yearning to venture beyond the horizons

i woke up with a persistent drobbing pain at the side of my head. i detest headaches as it affects my mood considerably. maybe the thought of working today makes me S I C K.

today: back to reality. whispers. fear. pretence. facades.
tomorrow: dream-like world. laughter from the heart. songs. lotsa smiles. true happiness.

over the weekend, i had a girl-talk with my mum. she was worried for me that i was turning inferior due to a reason i dun wish to say right now. she talked sense into me and i was enlightened on the fact that i shouldstop seeing things on surface value. gone are the days when ignorance and innocence are honoured. reality is that there are people who are two-faced. even though someone may be treating real nice on the outside, you never know what they may be thinking or saying behind your back. i've learnt not to trust someone that easily and not be deceived by a person's sweet smiles, kind words, their care and concern...

but it's tough, aint it? do i have to be on the alert every time i befriend someone? do i need to try to figure out any hidden meaning of every word they spoke?

meaningless. tiresome.

i cant possibly do that as i simply wont be myself. with my senses switched to 'high alert' mode, wont i be suffocating myself with my own restrictions?
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when i told my mum abt my aunty's decision and what my other aunties did,she gave out a loud sigh as she had forseen that coming.

later she mentioned that human relationships can get so strained and absurd at times which i agreed to without any reservation. these are times when blood relations arent the top piority. people can be blinded by their hunger or thirst to make sure things go their way or that their selfish interests came first before anything else, such that they neglect the feelings of the ones closest to them.

i dun deny the fact that im also guilty of doing that too. recently i kept pestering my mum to go for a holiday in july as i badly wanted to get away from spore to 'see the world'. in the midst of my persistence, i wholly overlooked the fact that my mum was not mentally ready for anyforms of entertainment or enjoyment.

a downright unfilial daughter i have become.

our society has been moulded in such a way that the most fundamental part of human relationships have been forsaken - respect.

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at the foodcourt yesterday, the cleaning aunty came over to clear our tables and we greeted her before engaging in some small talk. in the middle of the few mins' conversation, she told us that her boss was watching her every movement. she was not supposed to talk to us partrons. in fact, she had already been slapped with a yellow and red card earlier in the day. i guess becuz she was talking to the other patrons too.

red card? yellow card?? gosh are they in some kind of soccer match? haha.

well that episode makes me wonder what our society has become. it is as though people have been kept under 'lock and key' in vision to strivefor efficiency and perfection. aunties, being aunties, love to chitchat. if it makes the patrons of the foodcourt feel welcomed by their friendliness, why stop them?

and many a times, people in general have been taking such cleaning aunties for granted. i've tried smiling and thanking them before and you can see the appreciation they have on the faces. a simple word of thanks, a casual greeting of 'how are you, aunty/uncle?' or a geniune smile can indeed make a world of a difference. well of cuz, i dun do that very often. but im trying to make it a point to do that more often. it makes them feel that they are being noticed and are in fact very needed in this society.

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笑いぐさ. 웃기는 것.

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